The Conversation Many Adults Avoid
Most adults wait for children to ask about race and racism before addressing it. That silence sends a message all its own. When kids notice differences but no one talks about them, they learn that race is taboo, something to be ignored rather than understood.
The truth is, children begin processing racial differences as early as six months old. By preschool, they are forming ideas about who belongs where and why. If caring adults stay silent, those ideas are shaped by everything except intentional guidance: playground dynamics, media representation, and the unspoken hierarchies they observe around them.
Jermaine Gassaway wrote “When You Arrive: A Children’s Book About Racism” to help parents and educators begin this conversation before kids ask. The book provides a framework for talking openly about racism with young readers, creating space for honest dialogue rather than avoidance.
What Happens When We Wait
Delaying conversations about race does not protect children. It leaves them without tools to understand the world they are already navigating. Kids who attend diverse schools witness inequity firsthand. They notice which students get called on, who gets sent to the office, and whose parents volunteer in the classroom. Without context, they draw their own conclusions.
Equally important, children from families that experience racism are not afforded the luxury of waiting. Black and brown parents must prepare their children for a world that will treat them differently. White children, meanwhile, risk growing up without understanding the systems that advantage them, or how to be part of changing those systems.
Starting the conversation early means kids learn that talking about race is normal, necessary, and something trusted adults are willing to do with honesty and care.
How to Open the Door
You do not need perfect language or a complete understanding of systemic racism to begin. What matters is showing up, being honest about what you know and what you are still learning, and creating space for questions.
Start with observation. When a child notices a difference, acknowledge it. “Yes, people have different skin colors. That’s one of the ways we are all unique.” From there, you can introduce the idea that people have been treated unfairly because of those differences, and that racism is something we all need to help stop.
Books like “When You Arrive” offer a way into these conversations without the pressure of finding the right words on your own. Reading together gives both adult and child a shared reference point. It normalizes the topic and shows that it is safe to talk about.
Ask open-ended questions. “What did you notice in this story?” “How do you think that character felt?” “Have you ever seen something like this happen?” Let kids lead. Their answers will show you what they are ready to understand.
Why Educators Must Lead Too
Teachers and school leaders carry a particular responsibility. Schools are where kids spend the majority of their day and where they encounter peers from different backgrounds. If the adults in the building avoid conversations about race, the lessons get taught anyway, just without guidance.
Gassaway’s work in public education has centered on equity and the importance of teacher diversity. In “Unopened Books: Multiplying the 2%,” he documents the scarcity of Black male educators and argues that students benefit when their teachers reflect the communities they serve. Representation matters because it challenges assumptions about who holds knowledge and authority.
Educators who talk openly about racism model critical thinking and empathy. They teach kids that discomfort is not a reason to avoid hard topics. They show that learning means confronting uncomfortable truths and asking what we can do differently.
What Kids Gain From Early Conversations
Children who grow up talking about race develop stronger critical thinking skills. They learn to question what they see rather than accept it as inevitable. They recognize unfairness and believe they have a role in addressing it.
These conversations also build empathy. When kids understand that people experience the world differently based on race, they become more attuned to the experiences of others. They learn to listen, to ask questions, and to recognize when someone is being treated unfairly.
For children of color, early conversations affirm their experiences. It tells them that what they notice is real, that the adults in their lives see it too, and that they are not alone in navigating it.
Starting Today
You do not need to wait for the right moment or the perfect setup. The next time a child points out a difference, or asks why something is the way it is, lean in. Answer with honesty appropriate to their age. Let them know it is okay to notice, to ask, and to keep asking.
Use resources that meet you where you are. Children’s books, age-appropriate documentaries, and conversations with other parents and educators all help. The goal is not to have one conversation and check a box. It is to build a foundation where talking about race becomes as routine as talking about kindness, fairness, or any other value you want kids to carry forward.
Racism does not go away because we avoid naming it. But when we talk openly with the youngest among us, we give them tools to recognize it, question it, and ultimately work to dismantle it. That work begins long before they ask. It begins the moment we decide silence is not protection.